Sunday, October 01, 2006

The one where Todd realizes that the blogger spell check is useless

October has arrived, and the "frost is on the pumpkin" as it were. This is the time of year I get nostalgic for some reason. I remember learning in school about jack-o-lanterns, but I don't remember any of it, so I thought I would actually do some research. I didn't know whom I could ask about such a thing, so I just asked people that I ran across in everyday life.
I had an appointment with my bank manager, and I explained to him that forgot how the jack-o-lantern came to be, and he chided me and said,"don't try and change the subject sir" and then he began to yell at me about my checking account constantly being overdrawn. He explained it to me this way, it seems I have been depositing in Celsius and spending in Farenheight.

I then had to go to my lawyer and while I was there I asked him about the pumpkin thing and he explained the whole thing to me in a really long drawn out explanation. He used a lot of big words and when it was all done, he charged me 300 bucks! I wrote him a check.
I then decided to try it first hand, you know, learn by doing. So I went to my local pumpkin patch. This is a weird concept too, I mean, I had to trudge out into this field, get dirty and sweaty, pick it out my self, pick it up myself, and lug it back to the farm stand myself and they charge ME 15 bucks! I wrote him a check too.
I get this thing home and I start to carve. First I cut a circular hole in the top then I look inside and see the goop and seeds I am supposed to now scoop out. That is about as far as I got, I would sooner perform a body cavity search on Larry the cable guy, then scoop this gunk out.
I have come to the realization that the jack-o-lantern is a creation of the pumpkin growers association to move more product. I mean, what else are you going to use a pumpkin for anyway. Pumpkin pie? Is there a more mediocre substance on the planet? Pumpkin pie is the synonym for mediocrity. It's a vehicle for nutmeg is what it is! Pumpkin pie is just an excuse to eat nutmeg and clove and cinnamon. The best pumpkin pie you ever ate wasn't that much better than the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate. Jack-o-lantern is just a tradition started by greedy corporate fat cats whose soul purpose in life is to line their pockets with my money! I'll beat them in the end, though. I'll pay by check.

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