Friday, October 20, 2006

The one where Todd does a lame Top Ten List

Top Ten notes left for your child at the open house.

10. Try hard, but not too hard. When your mamma talked me into lettin' you get some skoolin' I toll'd her yes, on account of his chores don't suffer.

9. I wonder if Barry Manilow knows that your teacher raids his wardrobe.

8. Remind me to explain what a "trial separation" is.

7. (if son's name is Ira) I just wanted you to know that you've always been my favorite. But don't tell Ira.

6. Try to maintain a C average buddy! I don't want to have to sell you to a research lab, like your other brother Jimmy. (or some other made-up name)

5. Your effort is for SHIT! You've got to win, WIN! I won't tolerate any LOSERS in this family!

4. Remember what I said? If you get straight A(s) Dad will let you smoke his pipe, after all, you earned it.

3. Your teacher is a real (C word) no wonder you come home all stressed out. P.S. Don't let her read this.

2. I taped a piece under the back of the toilet in the last stall down for you. The next time Bobby Hinton gives you a swirly, you give him 2 in that hat for his trouble.

1. Don't forget your pants again.

DISCLAIMER: In an effort to maintain the PG13 rating here at Plan 4, I would like to clarify, that the "C" word stands for "Collegegraduate", an insult used around my house to describe stupid people with a college degree. I also refer to them as the "B" word which stands for "Barista" since that is the occupation of many a C word.

A conversation insert I often use:

Other person: My daughter just got her masters degree in Art History.
Me: Which Starbucks is she working at?
Other person: Actually it's a Bruggers Bagel on Comm. Ave next to Barnes and Noble.

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