Top Ten notes left for your child at the open house.
10. Try hard, but not too hard. When your mamma talked me into lettin' you get some skoolin' I toll'd her yes, on account of his chores don't suffer.
9. I wonder if Barry Manilow knows that your teacher raids his wardrobe.
8. Remind me to explain what a "trial separation" is.
7. (if son's name is Ira) I just wanted you to know that you've always been my favorite. But don't tell Ira.
6. Try to maintain a C average buddy! I don't want to have to sell you to a research lab, like your other brother Jimmy. (or some other made-up name)
5. Your effort is for SHIT! You've got to win, WIN! I won't tolerate any LOSERS in this family!
4. Remember what I said? If you get straight A(s) Dad will let you smoke his pipe, after all, you earned it.
3. Your teacher is a real (C word) no wonder you come home all stressed out. P.S. Don't let her read this.
2. I taped a piece under the back of the toilet in the last stall down for you. The next time Bobby Hinton gives you a swirly, you give him 2 in that hat for his trouble.
1. Don't forget your pants again.
DISCLAIMER: In an effort to maintain the PG13 rating here at Plan 4, I would like to clarify, that the "C" word stands for "Collegegraduate", an insult used around my house to describe stupid people with a college degree. I also refer to them as the "B" word which stands for "Barista" since that is the occupation of many a C word.
A conversation insert I often use:
Other person: My daughter just got her masters degree in Art History.
Me: Which Starbucks is she working at?
Other person: Actually it's a Bruggers Bagel on Comm. Ave next to Barnes and Noble.