Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Fake news by Chad #2

Shocking news today from the global court system. In an apparent move towards cleaning house, Jesus Christ has filed a class action lawsuit against the church and anyone doing wrong “In the name of Jesus Christ”.

The case will be going back to situations and events from the last 2000 years. When asked just how long court proceedings would be, lawyers from the Kingdom said, “Roughly 70 times 7 but even thats figurative”. It should be expected that at least 40 judges will be used at any one time as the crimes are many. High profile judge Samson had this to say. “I wanted to be on the judging team but as a member of the Kingdom I really couldn't be impartial. Plus I was told I couldn't use my ass jaw gavel.”

What kinds of allegations are being made? Lawyers said first up would be the “Defamation of Character” issues followed by “Slander and Libel”.

The Pope praised the lawsuit saying “It was high time he came back and took what was his. We've been saying for years that things were not right.” The Vatican was promptly issued a “Subpoena duces tecum” and the gates were locked. It is expected that the wealth of the Vatican would be temporarily stored in North Africa in the stomaches of children as well as India, Asia, North America, South America, Europe and Russia. The pope mobile was freed as it was deemed not to have hurt Christianity and only served as humor for the rest of the world.

Jesus was not available for direct comment but a pastoral representative had this to say. “He's already given a written statement, read the book dummy!”

Lawyers representing the church and “those doing wrong 'In the name of Jesus Christ'” scoffed at the proceedings and asked, “What are you going to do, Judge everybody?”

Welcom to Plan4, See whats new! (this was old)

1 comment:

JasCon said...