The one where Chad injures himself for nothing

I think I would like to be a more than casual writer. My biggest problem is that I write when the mood hits me, I don't just sit down and write.
I'm not sure what other writers do to get the ideas flowing but I'm trying self punishment. If the funny won't come out on its own, I'll force it out.

Idea #1
Staples in the hand. Ah, this one gets saved for last.

Idea #2
Hockey puck burn.

I have a hockey puck in my office that I use for a paper weight. It's black, rubber and made in Czechoslovakia. I'm an avid Hockey fan but have not really been die hard since the Whalers left Hartford. I used to watch games on NESN. I'm actually a Bruins fan but there was something about watching a really horrible team that made me feel good. The plan is to rub it on my arm until it burns a writing idea out.

Here goes. Ok, I rubbed that puck until my left forearm until I got a spot that burned into a nice pink.

No awesome ideas for writing.

Idea #3

Forehead into object.

Here is a classic. Anyone who watched Sesame Street should have learned about this one as a kid. Remember that piano guy? He never could get his piano music the way he wanted it. Well, he taught us that banging his head on the keyboard would help. Here goes.
Mhj[uhggvgbvgb vgb vb mhj[mhjmhj[ugb
Nada.

Idea # 4

Elastic wrist snap

Another classic. I'll place an elastic around my wrist and snap it until I write the big funny.
No funny. I did note that ten elastics makes for a good mix of snapping. You can do all at once or a rapid fire of elastic attack. The worst pain was getting my arm hairs caught in the rubber bands when I pulled them off.

Back to Idea #1.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

The stapler is a Maroon Swingline 747 that I was left by a departing co worker. The stapler is nice although I wish it had a gloss finish rather than matte. Also, the Swingline emblem would be quite striking if it were gold finish. Ok, enough about the stapler. Lets see how it feels.

Gaaaack oh that sucked so bad.

I started by pushing one staple out half way. I then placed the partially pushed staple onto the meaty part between my left index finger and thumb. I pressed the stapler and eased the staple into the skin. I got it half way in before I had to stop. I now think that this was a wicked dumb idea.

Well, There you have it. I hurt myself to write and I didn't get much out of it.
Except this... If you only buy one office product this year, treat yourself to a nice Swingline 747 stapler.