Friday, September 15, 2006

The one where Chad talks about soccer and trailer hitches

Why I think football ( by football I mean soccer) fans are the healthiest people on the planet.

My plan yesterday afternoon was quite simple.

A. Get trailer hitch for my jeep.
B. Install hitch.
C. Get hay for my horses.

I did everything I was supposed to. I called around, I got the cheapest price and then I had them save it for me. They only had one left. I had them save it for me. I had them. Save. It for me.

I love downtown Bangor. I never go there but man I do love it. I didn't love it yesterday while I had to navigate what was most likely level 10 stupidity driving traffic.
So I get to my destination. I was very excited to finally be getting a receiver hitch for my Wrangler. So excited. I had them save it for me. I was going to get it today. They saved it for me. They only have one left.

I walked inside and approached the counter. The poor dope in front of me wanted a trailer with electric brakes. They didn't have any. Pfft, he should have called ahead and found that out. I did. I called ahead and had them save it for me. They only have one left. They were saving a special receiver hitch for me. The guy who would not be getting his electric brake equipped trailer left the desk and headed for the door. He had a very disappointed look on his face. He looked like he had a simple plan that wouldn't work and now he didn't know what to do. I didn't though. I was getting my hitch. They had saved it for me. They only had one left.

“Hello” I said, in that happy “Your saving a hitch for me, there's only one left” kind of way.

“Hello” the woman said in an average indifferent way.

I have this number here for a hitch I am going to purchase. Your saving it for me. For me. For me.

“For a Wrangler” she said.

“Yes. I called earlier.” Said I.

“That's not your Wrangler we are installing it on now?”


“Someone came in, we're installing it now”

“What?” Blink blink.

I calmly turned and headed for the door.

“Sir” she called out. “I can have one for you tomorrow.”

“No.” I kept walking. “I need it now”


“Ma'am”. I said softly. “I need to leave now, I cannot talk to you.”

I had to get out of that room . I had to keep my composure. Society does not allow for me to do otherwise. Society does not understand that they were saving it for me. Saving it for me.

I did not get my hitch. I had to find other means.

People wonder why humans do the things we do. Our culture (In America) has forced us to bottle up anger, rage and fury. It is not socially or culturally acceptable for me to have explained why I was going to get that hitch and, while I respect her right to live, I do not respect her right to be employed where she has contact with other humans. It would not have been ok for me to bring out the words of mass destruction and sent all of the employees of this establishment home crying. I would rather have stayed in the store and talked to the manager and only leave when he agreed to quit, and never return.

We don't have enough pressure relief valves in our lives to let it go in a safe direction. We have to take it and suck it up. Then, when the pressure does blow, we end up kicking a cat or drive an SUV into a department store (Booger I'm counting on you to do this for me)

That's why football fans are so healthy. They get to scream, chant, swear and occasionally hit or be hit by an opposing fan. America doesn't get it. It's not about the “beauty of the game” its about screaming at the ref and threatening his wellbeing. It's about venting off the frustration we get from the old bitch at the U haul counter. It's about letting go of the tension that built when you stood at Rice Glass for 20 minutes while you waited for some jackass to come out and tell you he didn't have the hitch you needed. It's about letting it all go when you think about the redneck pit stain at Webb's RV who told you “Nope, but I do have a hitch for a Wagoneer” instead of just saying, “Sorry sir, can't help you”.
There you go.

This example of what I'm talking about. America needs this.

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