Monday, August 14, 2006
Fake news by Chad # 9
Southern Lebanon -
Men, woman, children, soldiers, police, and politicians are joining one another around what was yesterday seen as blast craters but today, campfires. The seemingly impossible event was achieved through a peace agreement known as “The Smores for Peace Initiative”, a plan unfurled by world leaders, Chad Nule and Todd Eberson.
“We knew that the happiest times of our lives quite often revolved around the Smore”, says Mr. Eberson. He went on to explain that nobody could stay mad at anybody once they have indulged in the sweet yummy goodness of roasted marshmallow squished between melting chocolate and crunchy graham cracker.
Convoys of Graham crackers, marshmallows and chocolate bars are fanning out across the Middle East in what has become one of the greatest humanitarian projects in world history. Driving the lead truck in all of this was U2's lead singer, Bono.
Bono had this to say, “I'm just a rock star. But I know this, Smores are damn good. We should have brought these to Africa years ago. But, again, I'm just an egotistical rock star”
At each stop, the Smore items are traded for guns, rockets, bullets and bombs. People are happy to sit by the fire as friends and share a Smore.
The Initiative was not without its problems.
Chad talked a bit about the issues faced. “Well, anytime you have something as big as this, something that involves so many people, you get roadblocks” Chad explains further. “Even the ingredients used were a bone of contention”.
Lobbyists from the different manufacturers wanted their products used, as the financial implications for them would be great. We also found that there were many different Smore fundamentalist groups that wanted to be heard. A deal first had to be made that would appease the Hershites and the Nestlites for chocolate, The Staypuftians and the JetPuffors wanted their marshmallows. When all was said in done, we combined as many traits as possible into one standard recipe that could be made at any plant that chose to fulfill the contracts.
The only violence to happen as a result of the Smores plan was after a suggestion by Michael Jackson that a song such as his piece, “We are the Smores” was needed to go along with the gooey goodness. He was promptly bitch slapped by Cindy Lauper.
All in all, the “Smores for Peace” initiative is a success beyond all imagination. It remains to be seen whether chocolate, graham and marshmallow have the binding strength to keep the region in a lasting peace.