Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Fake News by Chad #3

Special guest Concept Engineer, Matt R.
Reads like a BBC radio story.

Recently, patrons at a Dutch Zoo were shocked when a Barbary Macaque was killed and eaten by some Sloth Bears. Zoo goers were left horrified. Except one man. Chad Nule.

“I'd say, 80 percent of the people who saw the killing were horrified and never wanted to see that again. However, 20 percent of the people looked on with amazement. I thought to myself. 'That's a niche market'.” “I went home and got my cousin Matt, some animals, fence and the rest is history.”
“The rest” Chad says , “Is the building and construction of the fastest growing zoo in North America. Fight Zoo.”

We spoke with Chad about this new zoo review.

What is Fight Zoo?
“Fight Zoo is a place for the 20 percent. The 20 percent who want to see animals do something rather than sit in a recreation of its natural habitat. These people want to see bears be bears and sharks be sharks. The catch is we put the bears and sharks together. We put a new twist on an old story.”

While at first it sounds shocking that a zoo would willingly allow expensive zoo animals to be killed by one another Chad informs us that a cost effective animal purchasing program has been implemented.
“We buy sick animals to start, and some over stocked animals. We rehab them some, mostly just enough to give them a fighting chance. The real rehab for these animals is when they get put in a pen with an 'opponamate'. For instance, We recently rescued a crocodile that had developed a form of reptilian skin cancer, he had months to live, at best. When we put him in the fighting habitat with 6 spitting cobras he really came alive. You could literally see the excitement in his eyes. We gave him a chance to act on his own instincts. We gave him a chance to really live. In fact, he did live for 6 more months".

And he passed away?
“Ah, No, he was killed by an orca.”

As Fight Zoo has become popular, it hasn't been without its opponents. Tell me Chad, what of those who claim Fight Zoo should be stopped.
“Well, PETA really didn't like us. They set up and protested as soon as we started. I didn't want to be like a normal target of PETA so I went down to talk with them. It ended up being a real eye opener for both sides. I told them we were only letting animals be animals but they insisted it was in humane. Inhumane? I asked, How can that be? They are not human! After I said that I heard one member of the group make an comment to one of his friends, 'Man is the real killer'. That really hit me hard. I admit, I had a change of heart. I invited the 14 members of Peta to come in and further the talks. We went straight to the boardroom and negotiated for the immediate release of 3 polar bears. The paperwork was signed and the bears were released into the board room.”

The bears were released into the board room?
“Yes, after I left. PETA wanted them so thats what I gave them. It goes without saying the bears killed and ate all the PETA people”

Chad, Tell me, whats in the future of Fight Zoo?
“Well, we've just signed a contract with FOX to start a reality show based on Fight Zoo. Its going to be just what people want. In fact, viewers will vote on what animals fight other animals.

What has your favorite fight been so far?
“Well, thats tough. One favorite would have to be the bull shark vs. the pack of coyotes.”

And the winner?
“It was a best two out of three with the shark having home territory advantage. The Coyotes won. The real sweetheart of a fighter was the Koala. We put 16 Koala's in with a Donkey as an opponimate. We never really expected any sort of fighting with this pairing but the Koala's were eating the donkey withing 3 minutes. It was fast and I'll admit, it made me a little sick.”

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