Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Fake news by Chad #4
In a shocking business move, Software mogul Bill Gates laid out plans for the immediate purchase and acquisition of the sun. While it has been long known that Gates has wanted to own the sun, it was doubted that he would pursue the purchase rights as the sun and its energy are still very much “open source”.
Some immediate problems arose when it was pointed out that with the sun not currently having an owner it would be hard for him to pay anybody for it. Gates was quick to point out that God owned it and God could take the money out of the bank whenever he wanted it.
The largest public concern is not whether or not we would have to pay a licensing fee but rather “What kind of security flaws would Microsoft create in it” Most experts agree that a Denial of Service attack would devistate the world.
While the paperwork for sale and transfer of ownership was being filed in Redmond, New York Lawyers were filing paperwork of their own. With Gates the new owner, he was now liable for the suns damage. D.T. Erickson of Middleboro, MA was already preparing a lawsuit for a sunburn he got. “Well, I had no idea it would burn me. There should be a warning label on that big yellow menace.” He was heard saying.
One class action suit involves 20 separate country's that have faced drought in the last 15 years.
Still another lawsuit by PETA blames the sun in the deaths of millions of innocent and harmless dinosaurs.