Fake ads #1

This is another thing I do sometimes. Its a funny concept or idea that don't have time or know how to fit into a whole page.


WANTED: PERSONAL ARMY
Young upstart world leader seeks personal army. Our vision is to create a classic "sword and shield" army to use in an upcoming campaign. Applicants must meet the following requirements. Education is NOT preferred. 1st Degree Pitchfork required. Must be able to procure 1st degree Sword and shield in first 90 days. Prospective soldiers need to understand that you will be working long hours and face certain death. Pay to commensurate with plundering. Pike man, Bowman and Calvary positions also available.
Looking for a new career? How about classic soldiering?


FOR SALE: Potential.
Unused and in like new condition. Not once has it been lived up to! If your potential is very little or none at all, try mine! It's a large potential so you need to have a large "ambition". Buy it before the weekend and I'll throw in my "willingness" for free!


WANTED:
Man or Woman with money wanting to finance "Real life Movie" called, "Chad's life" It is a live action story about a man who works at a landfill in Central Maine. We see our hero struggle with the mysterious human race. Will he win out in the end? This film requires only 4,000,000 to finance for our estimated 60 year production run. Script is currently being written. There is a possibility of “A” list celebrities appearing if Chad gets invited to cool parties.


FOR HIRE:
Personal Assistant. willing to come over and fix stuff around the house although not qualified. Willing to write checks and not fill in the little lines with the information. Will eat more food than I should. Will work on your vehicles and smash my fingers promising for fits and swearing. Will watch you cut fire wood. Will borrow your CD's and not return them. Qualified PM sleep and Licensed nocturnal rest tech level 10. . Can build rubber band balls. Qualified to play catch. Will get into bar fights as long as "Fight rules and regulations" have been clearly established. Will burn stuff in your backyard and shoot guns in local gravel pit. Will yell at T.V. if required. Wit is connected firmly to mouth. Available 7 days a week.