Saturday, September 30, 2006
The one where Todd re-hashes Saturday mornings long past
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
The one where Chad does a top ten
I never write top ten lists because I can't come up with that much funny stuff. I didn't this time either.
Top Ten rejected desserts for the Thai leadership
1. Coupcakes.
2. Coupstard
3. Insurrection Pie
4. Coup d'etat flambe
5. Prime Mister upsidown cake.
6. Coup Lime Pie
7. Peach Pecan Coupbler
8. Chocolate Chip Coupkies
9. Coupberry pie
10 Lemon Couprangue Pie
Coup
Thailand
Desserts
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
The one where Chad repents
I have still not received my Counting Crows “August and Everything After” CD. If you remember, I wrote about it a while ago. It was stolen from my wedding reception 10 years ago. I thought I'd get the ball rolling.
I stole something when I was in the third grade. It was sometime in the neighborhood of 1983 or 84. I was always a decent kid I think, I didn't normally steal or go out of my way to cheat somebody out of something. It just sort of happened. We were lined up at the doors ready to go out to recess. A teacher commanded our attention and asked a simple question.
“Did anyone lose a watch on the playground?
I don't know why, but I raised my hand and said I had. I hadn't.
She then asked the logical thing of me. “Can you describe it?”
I blurted out, “Yeah, it was a calculator watch. She reached in her pocket and handed me a calculator watch. No more questions. I was not the owner of an ill begotten calculator watch. What were the odds? In hindsight, quite high as the 80's were prime time for calculator watches.
It goes without saying that the real owner found themselves missing a watch. The lie got deeper and deeper and I found myself worried sick about. I'm sure the watch had been a gift and I knew they missed it. I didn't know how to get out of the lie. I never got caught. To this day I still feel bad about claiming the watch. I also remember who it had belonged to. With that said, I'm buying one on Ebay right now and will seek out this person, 20+ years later and give it to them. Heidi G. Prepare to get your watch back.
Yeah, I know there are some nicer more expensive watches. I'm just trying to replace one I took, not become a friggin saint. Oh yeah, I'm also going to give it to them after I'm done using it in a couple shots for a short I'm working on. I got it used in 84' so will they!
The one where Chad posts a picture
1. You can't do that any more.
2. Thankfully
I personally found this offensive but not so offensive I can't look at it and get a good laugh. As much as society sucks, we have sucked worser. Man, can you imagine the fallout today if this was "Mohammed sings songs for little American Infidels?"
It could have been this moment when America changed course.
Monday, September 25, 2006
The one where Chad chides NBC
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Fake news by Chad #11
Patient Zero has been found in the frightening E-coli scare. Investigators have narrowed the hunt for the source of the deadly bacteria to one man. Todd Eberson, a migrant worker from Massachusetts working in southern California spinach packing plant. As it turns out, Mr. Eberson's lack of personal hygiene is the cause. For the few weeks he worked at the unnamed plant, Mr. Eberson had not been washing his hands after using the bathroom. When asked why he wasn't cleaning his hands he stated that the soap the company provides makes his hands dry and itchy.
“If it was such a big deal to wash my hands, why didn't anyone tell me? We should have seen a video on that or something.”
It is not known at this time whether charges will be pressed against Mr. Eberson. He has since been shown the video and is under strict bathroom use monitoring.
Ecoli
E Coli
Spinach
The one where Todd makes a PSA
As part of the Atlantis mission, they were deploying a spokesman for the Ad Council. They were shooting a PSA about the dangers of space pollution. People caused all that space trash and people can stop it. Atlantis stopped over at the International Space Station to pick up "native-american" Vinny "Iron Eyes" Cody and shoot the spot during a space walk.
Nasa|Shuttle Atlantis|Space Trash|Shuttle Debris|Nasa Trash|Atlantis|International Space Station|Mystery object|Floating Debris|Flotsam|Jetsam|Crying Indian|Iron Eyes Cody|The Ad Council|Mission: Atlantis|Campy 70s throwback|Space Junk|Plan 4|YouTube|pollution|NASA program|NASA Shuttle Atlantis|Space Pollution|Space Garbage |Space Station|Atlantis Debris|Orbital Trash|YouTube|Space Walk|Litter|Littering|
Fake news by Chad #11
Patient Zero has been found in the frightening E-coli scare. Investigators have narrowed the hunt for the source of the deadly bacteria to one man. Todd Eberson, a migrant worker from Massachusetts working in southern California spinach packing plant. As it turns out, Mr. Eberson's lack of personal hygiene is the cause. For the few weeks he worked at the unnamed plant, Mr. Eberson had not been washing his hands after using the bathroom. When asked why he wasn't cleaning his hands he stated that the soap the company provides makes his hands dry and itchy.
“If it was such a big deal to wash my hands, why didn't anyone tell me? We should have seen a video on that or something.”
It is not known at this time whether charges will be pressed against Mr. Eberson. He has since been shown the video and is under strict bathroom use monitoring.
Ecoli
E Coli
Spinach
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
The one where Chad makes the same Chavez joke again
"Hugo Chavez calls Bush 'Devil'"
Bush retaliates by pushing Chavez of the monkey bars. More as the story develops...
Not true. I'm not going to write any more about this.
Bush
Chavez
Hugo Chavez
Plan 4 News special update...
Bush retaliates by pushing Chavez of the monkey bars. More as the story develops...
Not true. I'm not going to write any more about this. I'm an idiot and can't spell.
Bush
Chavez
Hugo Chavez
Premier of "The Last Dance"
* Edit * I can't help but think that even if we had finished this a year ago I might not have done anything with it. Youtube was not as big and I wasn't blogging as much as I am now so it makes sense to do it now. Thanks Youtube. Your the grandest.
Youtube
you tube
Film
Video
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
The one where Todd rapes the Parker Brothers
Oh, don't get me started on MONOPOLY. Picture this: you’re a kid growing up, you’re not rich by any means. You have your own room, and that’s all you really want out of life. Now the landlord comes home one day all excited because his wife just won a bundle in a beauty contest enough to put a down payment on his dream: a hotel on his modest Virginia Ave. property. And out of the blue BAM! He raises your rent, Dad’s in jail, he can’t get out for a while, no help there. Your single mom can’t afford the higher rent, she’s a receptionist at the Marvin Gardens office building a few blocks away. It doesn’t pay squat! She doesn’t even have a car. So now, you gotta go live on Baltic Ave. on the other side of the tracks. You’ll never have the same opportunities there; the best you’ll probably ever manage is maybe get a life-sucking job at the water works.
Monday, September 18, 2006
The one where Chad talks about spinach
Mmmm, spinach. I love spinach. Now spinach is not so good for you (temporarily). This should not have caught us by surprise. We did have a guide in all this and we didn't listen to him.
Popeye.
Did you ever see popeye eat a bag of spinach? No! It was canned spinach! We went astray. Turn back to the old way's of canned spinach goodness! Why didn't we listen? We all watched him squeeze open cans and suck it up with his pipe. We saw the strength and the wonders he did, but still we turned from the way's we knew. Repent and go back to the can! 109 allready. How many more must become sick?
If I was a guy buying stocks in spinach right now, I'd invest in Allen's spinach. They make "Popeye's" spinach and its canned. Buy spinach. Canned. It's the only natural way.
Spinach
E Coli
Ecoli
Mr. V fills in for the Man in the fire
Sunday, September 17, 2006
The one where Chad showed everyone that bull
Friday, September 15, 2006
The one where Chad talks about soccer and trailer hitches
My plan yesterday afternoon was quite simple.
A. Get trailer hitch for my jeep.
B. Install hitch.
C. Get hay for my horses.
I did everything I was supposed to. I called around, I got the cheapest price and then I had them save it for me. They only had one left. I had them save it for me. I had them. Save. It for me.
I love downtown Bangor. I never go there but man I do love it. I didn't love it yesterday while I had to navigate what was most likely level 10 stupidity driving traffic.
So I get to my destination. I was very excited to finally be getting a receiver hitch for my Wrangler. So excited. I had them save it for me. I was going to get it today. They saved it for me. They only have one left.
I walked inside and approached the counter. The poor dope in front of me wanted a trailer with electric brakes. They didn't have any. Pfft, he should have called ahead and found that out. I did. I called ahead and had them save it for me. They only have one left. They were saving a special receiver hitch for me. The guy who would not be getting his electric brake equipped trailer left the desk and headed for the door. He had a very disappointed look on his face. He looked like he had a simple plan that wouldn't work and now he didn't know what to do. I didn't though. I was getting my hitch. They had saved it for me. They only had one left.
“Hello” I said, in that happy “Your saving a hitch for me, there's only one left” kind of way.
“Hello” the woman said in an average indifferent way.
I have this number here for a hitch I am going to purchase. Your saving it for me. For me. For me.
“For a Wrangler” she said.
“Yes. I called earlier.” Said I.
“That's not your Wrangler we are installing it on now?”
“What?”
“Someone came in, we're installing it now”
“What?” Blink blink.
I calmly turned and headed for the door.
“Sir” she called out. “I can have one for you tomorrow.”
“No.” I kept walking. “I need it now”
“Sir...”
“Ma'am”. I said softly. “I need to leave now, I cannot talk to you.”
I had to get out of that room . I had to keep my composure. Society does not allow for me to do otherwise. Society does not understand that they were saving it for me. Saving it for me.
I did not get my hitch. I had to find other means.
People wonder why humans do the things we do. Our culture (In America) has forced us to bottle up anger, rage and fury. It is not socially or culturally acceptable for me to have explained why I was going to get that hitch and, while I respect her right to live, I do not respect her right to be employed where she has contact with other humans. It would not have been ok for me to bring out the words of mass destruction and sent all of the employees of this establishment home crying. I would rather have stayed in the store and talked to the manager and only leave when he agreed to quit, and never return.
We don't have enough pressure relief valves in our lives to let it go in a safe direction. We have to take it and suck it up. Then, when the pressure does blow, we end up kicking a cat or drive an SUV into a department store (Booger I'm counting on you to do this for me)
That's why football fans are so healthy. They get to scream, chant, swear and occasionally hit or be hit by an opposing fan. America doesn't get it. It's not about the “beauty of the game” its about screaming at the ref and threatening his wellbeing. It's about venting off the frustration we get from the old bitch at the U haul counter. It's about letting go of the tension that built when you stood at Rice Glass for 20 minutes while you waited for some jackass to come out and tell you he didn't have the hitch you needed. It's about letting it all go when you think about the redneck pit stain at Webb's RV who told you “Nope, but I do have a hitch for a Wagoneer” instead of just saying, “Sorry sir, can't help you”.
There you go.
*Edit*
This example of what I'm talking about. America needs this.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
The one where Chad does more crappy writing. (Mr. V)
I started watching NBC's “The Office”. I always get to shows late in the game and I only really have time for a few television series' in my life anyway. So season two seems much more interesting to me. They really seemed to hit a good stride. I do find myself comparing it to the original BBC version and I think thats unfair. I'm a big fan of Paul Feig as well
Ok, Chad took a break. This is Mr. Vintage. What is this crap about? Man, doesn't this guy have a job to be doing? No wonder he's stuck in the middle of nowhere at a life sucking dead end job. He's wasting his time writing about a lousy sitcom. Chad, let me do you a favor. Here is the kick in the seat meat you've needed. Get a life. Get off your can and do some real work for once in your life. Quit waiting for your lucky break. Breaks don't happen for losers. That's why you got me. So, do some work, and leave the DVD write ups for the goatee wearing fat white guys with pony tails. Oh. Wait a minute. Thats you. I'll do you the favor of posting this for you while your gone. Oh, and under your name. Don't leave yourself signed in jerk.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
The one where Ryan gets "PUNK'd"
the laptop
Monday, September 11, 2006
The one where Todd makes crappy video
Call on Chad and have him unsheath: the stick.
P4 Month in review: August
Tue. 01: Chad bitches about his Counting Crows CD going missing, or possibly stolen 10 years ago.
Fri. 04: Vacation test pattern is posted while we "re-group" and enjoy a little R&R D&D and maybe a little T&A. It's no big deal we just had to go away for while and. . . dream it all up again.
Fri. 04: The first vacation post. Chad gets BFed at the NH tolls and the kids put on their hard hats for the drive through the "Big Dig". Youtube debut, the very first P4 video post was a somewhat anti-climactic scene of a bundle of sparklers being lit.
Mon. 14: Back from vacation and posting furiously. Chad discusses world peace through the consumption of S'mores.
Tue. 15: Audio post of a guy jumping over the "cliff" into a pit of bi-curious molten magma, tagged with a shameless promo for TbL. Later that day: another vacation post about all of the "Fantastic Voyages" of the CED disc.
Wed. 16: Chad posts about parenting and the great Roomba war.
Thur. 17: Todd posts the results of his Star Trek survey and is shocked to find out he was not Guinan's weave, as he hoped, but instead turned out to be Kahn's man-boobs. Another post that day from Chad about his boring beast-free town.
Fri. 18: Podcast, vinyl, that Todd's daughter really enjoyed.
Mon. 21: MOUSE DAY!! This is our shining achievment for the month of August. The debut of the series known as "the mouse" As of this posting the total "stupid" views are up to almost 41,000. I had nothing to do with this video whatsoever it was all Chad, but I am very proud of it nonetheless.
Tue. 22: Busy day, there were 3 (three) posts that day. There was the Google Ad(makes no)sense post. We got the spider to put up a link to something called "Racist Ringtones" I never clicked on it, I guess in my naivete I thought it was ringtones that had to do with racing; nascar, track & field et. al. The post ended with a short transcript of a scene witnessed on vacation about the "grossest thing you'll never want to taste" I kinda liked son of Chad's answer. My own answer would be somewhat different. I think the grossest thing I would never want to taste is used fly paper strip. The next post was about Chad's call to the Master Food Corporation's quality and information "hotline" where he snickered through his conversation with Maria about how "satisfying" nuts were. Later that self-same day was the triumphant debut of the mysterious man in the fire who babbled about some club, and gained the love of many folks the world over. Since then the fan mail has been pouring in.
Wed. 23: Two videos were posted: Chuck's "beautiful" day, and the one where Mom always said, "don't play light saber in the house." This was the first YT post which contained copyrighted "intellectual" property. The following were not credited: George Lucas and U2, I'm sure they are not suffering for want of the royalties from these two very short videos. However if payment is required, they have been more than compensated by the respect and admiration from all of here at P4. If any further payment is neccesary, then U2 can piss off! and George can go eat a big pile of bantha poodoo.
Fri. 26: Todd suggested we "go crazy" and posted a screenshot from the DOS version of P4.
Sun.27: YT post of the second installment of "the mouse".
Mon. 28: Cruise v. Cruz v. Paramount
Tue. 29: YouTube menace: the Mysterious Man in the Fire answers fan mail
Thur. 31: Chad's filler post about being a "silly" internet celebrity.
That about wraps up the month of August here at the Plan 4 blog. If you find any broken links you can just wipe your butt with'em. Do a damn google search.
The one where Chad breaks wind
I figured, If you had a crew/ cargo of lets say 400 lbs and you knew that you had 300 pounds of force applied to the sail at a 1 mph wind you would be in little danger of being tipped over. I know there are many more variables than just that.
If the wind changed to 2 mph you'd be in danger as you had 600 pounds of force being applied. Most likely still well within the safety zone as the boat itself has a certain amount of weight plus the force on the keel. Blah blah blah.
Note, these numbers are just for example only.
I thought too, if you did know all this it would help you understand just how much to lean over the side against the wind to multiply your weight. I would love to see exactly what this all looked like when spread out in formula. Hopefully Numb3rs covers it this season. David Krumholtz really explains things nicely.
In the end I decided this would be the rule of thumb. Your going to tip over. Wear a life jacket.
Friday, September 08, 2006
The one where Chad talks about basements
With this in mind, I'm pledging to you that if you make me a wealthy popular celebrity I will not go out to the garage and Cobain my self. I don't even have a garage. I would if I was a celebrity though. I'd also get a finished basement. Mmmm, fresh finished basement smell. I'd also have one of these little mini bar things in the finished basement. A finished basement with wood paneling, fuzzy orange furniture and olive appliances. Oh, I also won't put my baby on a magazine cover, hang it off a balcony or swing it in front of a crocodile.
Have a great weekend. Make me rich.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
The one where Chad says _______ is the new ______.
I like this “________ is the new ________” concept because it's so retarded. It's as retarded as the word Blogosphere. Don't add the word “Blog” to anything. Except this, Blogtard. I thought I just made that up but a quick google search tells me otherwise.
What little research I have done on this, which is none, tells me opposites work best.
Let's try it out. Hate is the new Love. Ok, sure, thats fun.
Here's another. Not using the opposite. Blogging is the new retardation.
Ok, now we are getting the hang of it. Wood is the new plastic...
Try it out yourself, here is a pre-made form you can cut and past into your own crappy writing.
__________ is the new __________.
There you go.
By the way. I use the word retard, tard and retardation to mean this sense. “Humanity getting to point Z but then relapsing in intellect to point H.” It is not used to refer to anyone with a mental handicap. If you take it that way than you are retarded.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
The one where Chad talks about an old movie
I'm indulging in a dirty little habit today. It's an embarrassing habit. It's habitual. It's twisted. I am... Watching classic 80's movies.
Today's viewing, "Better off Dead" Classic, classic,classic. If your not sure of its "3 classic" worthiness, consider this.
1. South park parodied it.
2. Family guy parodied it.
3. Curtis Armstrong snorting Jello through a straw.
4. Chris Cummins dates the basketball team
5. "..Throwing away a perfectly good white boy"
6. Dan Schneider
7. Crazy 2.00 paper boy.
8. Claymation hamburgers playing guitar
9. "Gee I'm real sorry your mom blew up Ricky"
10. Drag racing Asians.
An interesting note about Curtis Armstrong. According to the IMDB, he was 32 when he played a high school kid in the movie. That means I have 2 years to play a high school kid still.
I do think that this movie was missing something. That something? William Zabka. If Billy had played the ski guy it would have been a much better movie. I may just start pulling up a list of films that would have been better as a result of Billy's involvement. Go Billy!
By the way, today is one of those days you hope Curtis Armstrong whilst in a drunken rage does something crazy like drive his SUV into a department store. Then I'd get some sweet sweet Technorati traffic. Curtis I love you, drive the truck into a store. GO BILLY!
Plan 4
movies
Curtis Armstrong
William Zabka
Booger drives Escolade into Macy's
Monday, September 04, 2006
Plan 4 presents "mysterious man in the fire #3"
Plan 4 presents "mysterious man in the fire #2"
Oh, and if you're not familiar withy the Casey Kasem death dedication it won't be that funny. So, Google it.
Ponderous man... This is the third (fourth now) time I've had to post today. Between Youtube, Blogger and Technorati I'm having a crappy day.
"Sound's like someone has a case of the Monday's"
Youtube
You Tube
video
Plan 4
The one where Chad talks about Steve Irwin
The only thing I have to say about Steve Irwin. You see kids in the news all the time who get hurt or in trouble imitating Jackass stunts. When was the last time you saw a kid in the news where the headline reads "Kid hurt imitating Steve Irwin?" Why? Because the Jackass stuff can be done by any crazy idiot. Steve Irwin was a special kind of crazy idiot. A crazy idiot far above the average idiocy. An idiot's idiot if you will. I for one appreciated his craziness.
Steve Irwin
Crocodile Hunter
Plan 4
Sunday, September 03, 2006
The one where Chad introduces Mr. Vintage
Youtube
You Tube
video
Plan 4
stupid videos